Fatherly Figures

I heard this song on the radio that went something like this:

Sometimes I think about you, wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking about me. And would you even recognize the woman that your little girl has grown up to be. Because I look in the mirror and all I see are your blue eyes looking back at me. They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all. Did you think I didn't need you here, to hold my hand, to dry my tears, did you even miss me through the years at all.

Although it was written about the singer's mother I can't help but relate the lyrics to my own feelings for my dad. The months leading up to the wedding were so hard for me because I knew that my father wouldn't be walking me down the aisle. Growing up I could never understand why I wasn't treated like "daddy's little princess," like all girls should be treated. I used to get so jealous of all of my friends who have amazing relationships with their fathers. I'm not one to hold a grudge. I feel that life is short and you should live it to the fullest surrounding yourself with the ones you love most and positive people. I just can't bring myself to forgive him.

I wish he were different because then I would've been able to introduce him to Jonathan, my in-laws and all of my amazing new friends in wisconsin, but, I guess it is what it is. You can't change someone into who you want them to be and I never want Jonathan or our children going through a glimpse of what I did as a child and the hurt I felt.

I'm just very thankful to have Mark and Greg in my life. Mark has been so much more of a father to me than my own has and it's so cool to be able to have the father-daughter relationship I've always wanted. Greg has always been seriously amazing!! I guess I had to wait 23 years to have a father-like person in my life and now I've been blessed to have two. Things definitely happen for a reason. It's just sad that my own father couldn't figure out how to be dad and will be missing out on getting to know the daugher/sister/friend/WIFE that I have become.